The one before I met the one
The one before I met the one was unlike “the one”
The one I married was loving and kind
The one I left behind had himself in mind.
The one I love and will be the father of my child
Is the one I picked because he held my dignity high.
He spoke to me freely and wanted to know
The deepest desires of my heart and had his own heart to show.
He was not afraid to help or put me behind his doubts
He continued unwaveringly because he desired me.
It wasn’t always easy and we had our trials,
But as I walked down the aisle, he had tears in his eyes.
Love is not easy, but waiting for the one and not settling for less is even harder. Sometimes we think we know what we want and will throw a childish tantrum as if we know what’s best, but God waits patiently for us until we let him bless.
This picture shows Jesus holding something better than what the girl currently has, but it is unseen. This shows that we must trust God even when we don’t know what he has in store.
It was almost two years ago when I realized the man I was dating would probably not commit. He was afraid of marriage and I thought it would change. I did my best to let go of him, but I thought it would be too hard to move on. I was in school pursing my masters and about to do comprehensive exams. The thought of adding a breakup to my plate was depressing, and so I took the little attention and basic friendship I could get.
We dated a year and at the end, he still didn’t want to commit. It was hard to let go of the plans I had made to stay in D.C. to be close to him. I had already renewed my lease and was stuck in a retail job that would not pay enough when my loans became due in a few months. Therefore, I had to move back in with my parents halfway across the country.
God prepared a way for me to move to Denver and find a replacement for my room in the house I was living in. It was extremely anointed, but even so, it was not easy going through yet another breakup. What it came down to in the end is I finally realized I deserved more. I didn’t have to feed from the scraps thrown from a table. I was the daughter of the King of kings and I deserved to be treated better than I was. I deserved a man who acknowledged my needs over his and respected my thoughts on what I had spent two years studying: marriage and family. I don’t regret meeting the one before the one because he taught me a lot, but more than all, his reserved heart taught me how to recognize real love when it came.
My husband met me two weeks after leaving the seminary and I met him one week after moving to Denver. It was love at first sight. The moment our eyes locked, I never wanted to part. I had prayed for my spouse regularly and one of my prayers was he would have the courage to pursue me when he met me. My prayer was answered. He’s usually pretty shy, but he was inspired and asked me out within 30 minuets of our conversation. This had taken place at Theology on Tap where a priest had given a talk on marriage and included tips on asking out the ladies. My husband humbly took his advice and found out what I liked to do so he could ask me to go sometime.
I thank God every day for my husband and the life growing in my womb. It’s been an adventurous ride, but having a longer wait makes me appreciate what I have even more. More than ever, I am grateful for answered prayers and God’s protection as I waited for the one.
Three things I’d like to offer from my experience include:
- Value yourself. Fall in love with God first and let him show you who you are.
One thing I noticed is God didn’t reveal the truth about the man I was dating before meeting my husband until I was ready to value myself more. It was when I realized that I wasn’t who he said I was; I was who God says I am that things really fell though in the relationship. After I prayed for God to make it clear if I was supposed to stay in the relationship, the man I thought I loved broke up with me. God waited until was ready to see the truth and give him the old raggedy teddy bear before he gave me the new one.
- Don’t settle.
Trust your gut. If something doesn’t seem right, don’t be afraid to let go. No man should make you feel like you need to change the fundamental traits of your personality to please him. For instance, if he doesn’t like that you’re a girly girl or goofy, then he’s not the one to fall in love with you. There is someone out there that will love the quirky you and will sing with you walking down a mountain laughing with joy if that’s what you like to do (true story). Likewise, if you’re serious or an introvert, and he does not respect your needs, don’t try to force yourself down his road or you’ll end up somewhere different than you want to be.
- Save yourself for the special one.
It isn’t easy and you may think it’s too late, but it’s never too late to purify your heart so it’s available for the union God will bless in marriage.
I waited 14 years from the day I committed to purity as a teenager and it was worth the wait (29 years total). The way my husband loves me and cares for me is unique and I hate the fact that I had other experiences before meeting him even if it wasn’t sex itself. Those memories are distant and irrelevant now because Jesus heals and can redeem any pains and hurts when you ask him to. Cover them in His most precious blood. He loves you, no matter what.
- Find supportive friends.
Know who your true friends are. They are the ones who listen, but will tell you the truth if you ask for it. I could feel my friends holding their breath when I told of my situation and frustration with my last boyfriend. They would encourage and pray for me no matter what I decided. Even so, it was them that helped me see the bright side when things ended.
- Know when it’s right and don’t be afraid to embrace the cross.
When I did find the right man, my friends and family could sense a peace in me and my sister noted that during her speech at my wedding. It was different, and I will be different forever changed because “I have found the one who my soul loves” (Song of Songs 3:4). It is ultimately always Jesus. I love my husband because he loves Jesus and Jesus lives in Him. Even so, God created him for me and I for him. I do believe in soul mates because St. Raphael says in the Book of Tobit, “She was destined for you since the foundations of the Earth.” God always has a plan and he always knows where we’ll be, so trust Him. Make the leaps of faith and follow the path he calls you to. It just may be to your vocation: to the cross. I say the cross because it is both beautiful and full of self-emptying. Remember that Jesus said he deeply desired to share the last supper with His disciples. Never mistake lust with romance. Romance is passion and the passion of Christ led him to the cross.