Sometimes I feel like a wanderer. Not because I am lost, but because I am waiting on the Lord.
In the Bible, God allows His people to wander in the desert for 40 years before they are brought into the promise land. Does that mean the time in the desert is useless? Not at all. It’s the opposite. During this time the people learned to trust in God and rely on him for all their needs. They also learned there was consequences to complaining (fiery snakes taught them that). None the less, God felt it was crucial for most of the people to be cleansed of their old ways of thinking before they would fully be able to trust Him and conquer the promise land.
In my life right now, I am in a vulnerable state. I am a pregnant newly-wed that NFP did not work for and it threw all my plans to the waste-side (not to mention my previous teaching job). This baby has turned things up-side down and all I can do is trust God to provide.
God has provided and I have much to be grateful for. He’s provided my husband entrance into an accelerated 11 month nursing program he just started in January. He has provided me with a job until June, and he has given me the opportunity to study to become a counselor. I am grateful. Even so, the past haunts me and I wonder if this next degree is really an end to a means.
I’ve always dreamed of being a counselor and spending my days with others in a cute soothing office. The excitement of witnessing progress and partaking in the inner thoughts of others is something I look forward to. I know and understand in order to be a good counselor, I must finish processing my old wounds and fully enter into an understanding and awareness of my triggers or flaws. I am ready to do this. I was not before. Like the slaves in Egypt, I preferred the safety of sorrow to the hard cleansing process planned for the desert.
I cannot say what I’ll continue to learn in this Marriage and Family Therapy program, but I can say, I know I will learn a lot as a mom. A long time ago when I prayed for a ministry position, the Lord said my vocation as a wife and mother would be first. I am confident the Lord has much for me to learn and I don’t think of it as a desert period completely, but the beginnings will not be fancy for sure. I must trust in the Lord for all my needs and pray He provides through people and organization when necessary.
Pray for me and let me know any of your prayer needs.