Spiritual Sisterhood Starts in the Heart

My sister and I during Christmas 2009

My sister and I are extremely close. So close that we often don’t need words; we only need laughter. We are not only sisters in blood; we are sisters in our hearts.

I have been contemplating the brokenness with my sisters in Christ compared to my relationship with my sister. Today I realized that I don’t offer the same standard of love to my sisters in Christ as I do with my “real” family.

Perhaps it is because no one compares to my sister, or maybe it is because I don’t offer the same compassion and mercy I give to my family; therefore, it has been difficult to connect with all my sisters in Christ up to this point in my life. I get restless in my relationships when I have been hurt or feel like I am being rejected.

Today I was reflecting on my relationship with my sister and I recalled the tears we shed together. I remember the apologies that followed and I remember the laughter that soon returned. When you’re in it for the long-haul, no simple anxiety, mistake or act of insensitivity can overcome the commitment to love.

This is the type of love and forgiveness we are called to offer our brothers and sisters in Christ, but too often I witness fear instead. Continue reading

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The Bride of Christ

When we prepare for Holy Communion, we prepare ourselves like a bride to her bridegroom.  This sacrament is the source and summit of our faith. It is the source of grace that provides strength so we can reach the summit of our faith- perfection in Christ.

The CCC, explains, “The mode of Christ’s presence under the Eucharistic species is unique. It raises the Eucharist above all the sacraments as “the perfection of the spiritual life and the end to which all the sacraments tend” (1374).

If this is our source of grace that allows us to be perfect like our heavenly father is perfect (Matt 5:48), it must happen through union with Christ because he is the only way to God (John 14:6).

If we want to go to heaven and be connected to God, not only in a Spiritual sense but participate in the self-giving love of the Trinity, we must be united to Christ. As the communion of saints, we make up the body of Christ and we are meant to be his bride one day. Continue reading

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Even with scars, children love

I want to drown myself in Your Word, kiss my lips to your heart;
Drown in your mercy and love.

I want to run to Your arms, not thinking about the future;
Just live in the here and now.

I want to run away, distract myself…
But I know it’s not right.

So hold me when I’m moving, love me when I’m restless
So I can learn to rest in You.

I’ve noticed a pattern in myself. When I feel overwhelmed, instead of letting it pass, I run.

I don’t like physical runs, but I love emotional distractions.

When I left Vegas, I was running towards something good, but I was also running FROM unfinished emotions. Though I’ve made my peace with my past, I need practice embracing my emotions no matter the pain.

Pain is something that will keep coming to you until you learn to embrace it and dwell with it until it passes. When you push down emotions, they don’t go away, they just resurface. The less you distract yourself and the more you learn to embrace God through suffering, the stronger your trust will be.

Trust is the first to be violated when we are let down. It is our past hurts that hold us back. That is why the pure, new life of a child is a strong embrace of the Kingdom of heaven. When they have no scars on their heart, children openly find the joy in all circumstances… sometimes even with scars.

But Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these” (Matt 19:14).

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The Healing Process: Bleeding wings

I have changed because Grace has transformed me.

Have you noticed that butterflies take a while to get free from their cocoon? She struggles to be free, she even bleeds. It’s a redemptive suffering; a process of growth.

In the beginning of the journey, there is darkness. She can no longer stand the safety of her cocoon.  In her solitude, she is hungry… but the desire is for something new.  As she slowly wiggles herself lose, she can see the light shining through her broken skin.

As the last piece of consecrated suffering falls to the ground, she is ready to be free… but first she must bleed. For three hours she waits as blood drips from her wings. Then she lifts off her branch in search of the sweetest drink.

Looking back at the past two years, I have grown. Painfully and slowly, but immensely. This weekend I realized I was still in my cocoon, waiting for more growth. I did not realize I was already equipped with the wings to fly. There was one thing holding me back from exiting my cocoon- fear. Continue reading

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In the Pursuit of Happiness, I found Wholeness

When I started my fast, I made an intention to live it fully in grace so I could get the most out of it. It tore open my heart to ideas and new virtues I was finally able to embrace. I became okay with silence; no need to impress others with words. I became patience in situations not under my control. I became grateful for the daily duties at work which opened the doors to a new job offer. I found that if you are not happy with what you have, you cannot receive more.

“For whoever has, to him more shall be given, and he will have an abundance” (Matt 13:12).

Allowing Christ to live vibrantly through me in gratitude forced me to look inward for happiness. In situations I could complain, I learned to let it go.  Keeping my tongue positive made temptation flee. The more you complain about a task at hand, the harder it is to focus on it.

I am still practicing on taking my foot out of my mouth concerning my observations with others. Continue reading

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Fasting from Hunger

Hunger for Him

Hunger is defined as a strong desire or craving… usually for food.

I have found that the way I handle hunger for food transfers to other areas in my life. In my pursuits, I am undisciplined and led by my emotions.

I was praying July 17 when God laid the idea of a fast on my heart. I had just got back from a Theology of the Body training and learned the importance of self mastery. I knew this fast would be intense, but I had no idea the blessings and trials it would bring.

Starting the fast, I prayed it would help me establish self mastery in all areas of my life. Boy, did I ask for it. The first day of my fast, I was tempted with another form of distraction: men.  I realized I needed to starve myself from other sources of love during the fast so I can focus on the happiness that comes from God alone; His Spirit dwelling inside.

This fast has given me the opportunity to really examine the way I love myself by setting myself apart from my usual routine. I found more than a few improvement areas. Continue reading

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Open doors: Let the Spirit lead.

If God opens the door, how can I not walk through?

I’ve always had a hard time making decisions. Currently my life is full of opportunities and blessings. I am wondering which will stick. Instead of sitting passively by, waiting for some to fall through, maybe I should aggressively pursue a few.

Tomorrow is a beautiful day full of questions that need answers. I have come to realize if answers ring clear in your heart giving clarity on thoughts and concerns, it is the only reason you need to dive in head first.

I’m waiting for the bells.

Waiting for the bells
Waiting for the truth
Waiting for the door to open so I can walk through.

Waiting on direction
Waiting on a sign
Waiting for the Lord to lead so I don’t have to decide.

I am waiting on my path
Waiting to see clearly
But sometimes what feels right is all we need.

Waiting on clarity,
Waiting for strength
Certainty won’t come, but the Comforter makes no mistake.

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